Why Is Politeness So Important in France?
In France, politeness is much more than just a social code. It is a sign of respect, a way of interacting with others by showing that you acknowledge their presence and importance.
If you enter a bakery without saying bonjour to the salesperson, you might get a cold look in return. On the other hand, starting a conversation with bonjour and ending with au revoir is not only well regarded but almost mandatory. These small gestures show that you respect your interlocutor.
Another essential point: formal and informal address (vouvoiement and tutoiement). In France, there is a clear distinction between the two. You use "tu" with friends, family, and children... But in a more formal setting, such as with a teacher, a colleague you don’t know well, or a shopkeeper, it is preferable to use "vous". Using vous instead of tu is a mark of respect and distance.
The French can be very sensitive to these nuances. For example, addressing an older person or a stranger informally in a formal context can be perceived as rude or even disrespectful.
The Most Important Politeness Rules in France
If you want to avoid missteps in France, here are some basic rules to know:
- Say bonjour (and with a smile, even better!): In France, you don’t start a conversation without a bonjour. It’s essential in shops, restaurants, and even in the elevator!
- Don’t forget the "magic words": Merci, s’il vous plaît, excusez-moi are commonly used phrases that show politeness.
- To kiss on the cheek... or not?: In France, cheek kissing is a common way to greet friends and family. But in a professional setting or with strangers, a handshake is usually preferred.
- Respect formal address (vouvoiement): If you’re unsure, it’s better to use vous. It’s easier to switch from vous to tu than the other way around.
The French may sometimes seem strict about these rules, but they are part of everyday life and help maintain pleasant social interactions.
Politeness: Just a Formality or a True Reflection of Culture?
In France, some politeness rules may seem like mere formalities, but in reality, they are deeply rooted in the culture.
Saying bonjour is not just an automatic word; it’s a way to acknowledge the other person and give them importance. It’s a kind of social contract: by respecting these codes, interactions become smoother, and tensions are avoided.
For example, if you are in a restaurant in France and do not greet the server, it may be seen as dismissive. On the other hand, a simple bonjour and merci can turn a cold interaction into a warm exchange.
Politeness also plays a role in debate and discussion. In France, people love to argue and give their opinions, sometimes passionately. But a lively discussion doesn’t necessarily mean disrespect. One can disagree while remaining polite and listening to the other person.
Are the French Always Polite?
So yes, politeness is essential in France, but does that mean French people are always polite? Not necessarily!
The truth is that politeness in France is highly contextual. For example, in professional or social settings, the rules are well respected. But in public transport or on the road, politeness can quickly disappear!
The cliché of the grumpy French person is not entirely false... You may hear annoyed sighs in a queue, impatient honking on the road, or very direct conversations. However, this is not necessarily a lack of politeness. The French often express themselves more spontaneously, which can seem abrupt to those unfamiliar with it.
And Elsewhere? A Comparison with Other Cultures
Politeness rules are not the same everywhere in the world.
- In the United States, politeness is warmer and more expressive. Saying How are you? even to a stranger is normal. In France, this question might surprise people if asked by a stranger.
- In Japan, politeness is highly structured, with precise greetings and great respect for hierarchy.
- In some Northern European countries, politeness is more reserved. Saying hello is important, but excessive polite phrases are not necessarily used.
This shows that politeness is primarily a matter of culture and context.
Conclusion: Is It Essential to Be Polite in France?
So, is politeness truly essential in France? The answer is yes. It structures social relationships, facilitates interactions, and shows respect for others.
However, don’t feel too stressed about these rules. If you are a foreigner and forget a bonjour or a merci, most French people will understand that it is not intentional rudeness.
The important thing is to try. A small gesture, a smile, a polite word can make all the difference. So if you want to integrate easily in France, remember: bonjour, merci, and au revoir are your best allies!
And if you want to learn more about French culture and improve your French, join Ohlala la France + for exclusive content and interactive exercises.
